1. honesty, yet again, has come back to screw me over. you'd think that at least after the last post, i'd be more inclined to indulge in the fine art of fibbing. unfortunately, childhood lessons of obedience have developed deeper roots than previously imagined. and now my life is as shitty as ever.

2. it sucks to have all your decisions made for you--to never have the luxury of choosing, to never have the chance to seek God for the answer and instead have people just decide on everything for you. and if you ever make the horrible mistake of venturing out and making a choice--to be told that your decisions are insensible and worthless.

3. am i really incapable of ever making a good decision? am i not good enough to hear from God as to what He wants for me? are my desires and dreams just vain imaginations that will pass with time and prove fruitless in the end?

4. what i will do with my life and who i will love... i guess it's too much to ask for the permission and blessing to figure these two out on my own.

Benita Joy