1. spent five hours at the mall today, went into just about every decent clothing store and tried on a hundred things, and couldn't find even one article of clothing that made me happy. but i love shopping solo so i had a lovely time, even if it was vaguely depressing, considering i couldn't find anything i needed or even wanted for that matter.

2. it's tough being a woman who can balance passion with patience. so i pray Lord that You will help me to know when it's time, when it's time to wait, and when it's time to wait for someone else's timing. (that was something from last week's Esther study session.)

3. it's really annoying how i've been back in north america for the past several months, i've been sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing at all, and finally when i've got this toronto thing all planned out, all these other "opportunities" start sprouting up out of nowhere. i mean, where the heck were they all this time? and why is it always like this? as soon as i make a decision on one thing, somebody or the other has to come along with more suggestions or ideas for consideration. not that it's a bad thing. it's cool. i'll consider it. but why does everyone wait until i've figured stuff out to toss another idea into the picture? i thought only my mom did this. now it seems several others are out to confuse me as well!

4. okay, i'm ranting in #4 and it's not as horrible as i'm making it out to be. but i was a little bit irritated yesterday over it. i'm a bit of a one track mind sort of person. i have to focus on one thing and get it done before i even start to think about the next. otherwise everything goes topsy turvy in my brain. i get extremely frustrated and can't deal with it. and the more i try, the worse it gets. sometimes, i'll try to be intelligent and do two things at once--more often than not, either both will turn out to be failures, or at some point i'll have to give one up altogether in order to salvage the other. i admit it, i suck at multitasking!

5. while i'm reminiscing about my inadequacies, i guess i'll also mention that it takes me forever to make a decision. and i think that's also due to my one track mind. when choices are put before me, i can't weigh them all at once and decide. i have to put every one of my options and combinations of options through this ridiculous thought process one at a time--whether it's deciding what i'll have for lunch or what i'll do with my life.

Benita Joy