In His Arms . . .
- By Indu Shanmugam
- Published 10/3/2006
Indu Shanmugam is a 20-something, college student from Oregon, USA. She is majoring in English literature and language. She also studied Theology for a short period. She wants to be a teacher. As a literature enthusiast, she enjoys literature of all types and from writers of various backgrounds from the classics, French realists, Christian writings like C.S Lewis and South Asian literature. As for her own writings, "I am still trying to find and develop my own voice." She sees the art of the written word as a way to speak about Christ and explore truth. Before she met Jesus Christ, she has been searching for the meaning of life through experimentation of other religions, philosophies and ideas. At the age of 17, she accepted Christ after a powerful encounter with God through a miracle. God's presence and deep truths in the Bible fuel her creativity. She is involved in church activities and has a love for the church and would like to see every believer grow, become closer to God and live fruitfully. She loves traveling, sipping bubble teas, theatre, music, films and hanging out with friends and has a weakness for cheesecake.
With all the stress going on, I decide to drop myself in the arms of God's presence and comfort. School has been so stressful that I have been crying over homework. I seriously don't remember crying out of stress for a long time.
A few days ago, coming home after classes and a study session with a group, I was still overwhelmed. I start talking to my Dad. He told me " at least this is not like India. You have more choices." So true. I mean, if this was India I would be screwed. So what if I don't make it to the grad school of my dreams or find a job, I can always apply to another.
Classes are getting harder and harder. I am getting pile loads of homework. I think a lot of my uneasiness stems from wondering "Will I be able to succeed? will I do well afterwards?" I am questioning my abilities. I am trying extremely hard to please a difficult professor.
Why? The reason is because I want to prove myself. If that professor gives me a good grade, I feel great but otherwise I will be depressed. Why do I value myself according to other people?
I am so afraid of failure. I have failed in the past at many things. I then realize, those are lies... According to Proverbs 16:3 "If I commit to the Lord whatever I do, and my plans will succeed."
I mean, the main reason I am at Concordia pursuing this degree is because I felt God direct me there. Isn't it logical to assume that if he brought me there, he won't leave me all by myself. Won't he give me the tools and opportunities? If I walk in faith, He will open the doors of opportunities by bringing the right people and the job to me.
I just decide to let it all out and give it to God. What a relief knowing that God has my life in His hands! I relax in my jacuzzi. My skin feels great and I am relaxed.
I chat with my Dad. I hug him and he says a couple of funny random stuff that makes me laugh. He told me "It's okay, you're a smart girl. You can make it." I just needed to hear that.
Later, I pray and surrender myself to God. His presence is comforting as if I am in His arms. I can cry on my Lord's shoulder, speak my concerns to Him. I feel much calmer as I mediate on purpose that he called me to. This season of life is part of it. I am not living for myself. If I become successful, it is so that others will be blessed and to glorify God.