There comes a point in life where one finally realizes it’s time to go. It’s like a shifting point in one’s life where all else that’s in the mind realizes that this is “all or nothing”. There’s no turning back and I better give everything I’ve got. It’s like a train arriving and leaving without ever stopping.

You can hear the training from miles away. After a few minutes you can see the train coming from a couple hundred feet away, and finally you’re standing, waiting and thinking of what you need to do to get on that train. You begin planning for the moment you will jump, calculating and scheming to find out at which point it would be best to risk jumping.

The anxiety of the situation is that the go moment is a short span of time. You can do it or you cannot. Life has a way of doing that to you. You can feel your life is headed to a point of no return and all that’s within you begins planning for that moment. Sometimes though, you ignore to plan at all. You finally see the train of the moment coming you realize one of three things.

One could be that you were never prepared and now the train has passed. You really never cared about the train to begin with you say. It was just a figment of my imagination. It wasn’t that important you manufacture. Two could be you know the risk of jumping on trains, and that in the past such trains had hurt you or maybe you never have jumped at all and you’re just too afraid to jump. The risk is too much to accept.

You don’t want to look like a fool. Third and finally you could be fully prepared for the jump. Nervous energy is coursing through your veins but you somehow know how to channel it. You knew the risk but you knew the regret of not trying to jump would be worse off a feeling that taking the risk and trying.

We all have our moments of realizing that there is life changing moment that comes to all of us. You can feel it lurking in the shadows of your mind, you can see it with the eyes of your soul, and you can taste it in air of your spirit. Your whole being is tensed and ready.

You know something’s about to happen and you’re figuring out what your response is going to be. For myself I’m more of an analyst. I tend to try to think things through to their virtual dead end before I ever willingly try to actually do something. I want to make sure I will not fall flat on my face. Only after the moment has passed and the nervous energy coursing through my body has soured do I realize what a fool I had been to not accept the risk of that moment and take the jump.

It’s like the obese person who’s struggling with his health knowing that he needs to stop eating junk food and stop watching TV everyday after work. It’s like that point where he knows he has to make a decision of either accepting the consequences of his unhealthy lifestyle or make the change that will salvage his entire well-being.

It’s like the creatively brilliant writer who knows she’s supposed to write books that will be read by the world over, but has never taken the time to write something extensive. Somewhere down the line she’s going to realize that her talents are going to waste and even if she is the most gifted writer in the world, there’s absolutely nothing in this world that substantiates that claim.

It’s like the video game enthusiast who has insane ideas for a game but never realizes his dream because he is engrossed in beating his latest favorite game just so he has bragging rights with his buddies. It’s like the girl who wants to stop gossiping behind her friends back but just can't stop talking for hours on end to her best friend about the hottest hunk in school right now.

The sad thing is that we live inadequately in the time we have here on this earth because we fail to capitalize on a lifetime of brilliant opportunities that are “turning the TV off” away, or “submitting an article to a magazine” away. We need to capitalize on these moments.

Ok enough with my preaching. Let me talk a little about myself. I’m the kind of person teeming with constant creativity within the soft stuff between my two ears. I think so much about stuff that sometimes I voluntarily handicap myself from actually doing something about it. I could be the things my passions direct me to be but I constantly falter because

I’m always struggling with what people will think about me, what I think about myself, and whether I really have what it takes to really achieve on that higher level of disciplined achievement. It’s one thing to be talented, because I have the talent. It’s another thing to be disciplined because I really don’t have that. I am known for starting things that are never finished. I’m an expert at conjuring up new ideas but never really applying myself to actually seeing them through.

Something clicked for me though today. I was listening in on this message by my pastor about expectation. He was talking about how expectation thrives in the now and how I need to start changing the now I lived in. It was like a brick hit me in the head. I think I’ve heard talks like this before from a number of other people, but it’s moments like these that baffle me deeply.

A light bulb finally clicked inside my head. I realized that I was living too ingrained in what I wanted to do, the environment around me, and the risks of actually doing that something. I realized that from the core of who I am, I was a person who ran on feelings that on disciplined behavior.

So I’ve decided to change. Those who know me really well like my mom or my sisters will probably say tough luck. Honestly I’d say that to myself. Anyway…I’m trying. I was going to stay for the second service and help out with Children’s Ministry at church but I realized something: Time waits for no man. I had to capitalize on the moment.

Sometimes when you have this passionate feeling about something at any given moment, if you postpone your response, the passion and drive for it vanishes because that ‘go-point’ has passed. I found someone coming back to the dorms from church, and I decided I’m not going to wait any longer. Here’s to me changing who I am.

So I came back to the dorms and decided to clean my room. I am an excellent procrastinator…also known as ‘being lazy’. I put a whole bunch of stuff away. I want to be organized and clean, so why not start now? I realized that I hadn’t worked out in over a year. So I decided to go for a run. I don’t even know how long I actually ran but I had to stop every minute just to catch my breath.

By the end of it all, I was so burnt out that I was heaving from the strain I had put on my body for the first time in some time. I figured I don't want to be a fat old man; why not be healthy now? After that, I read a whole book of the Bible…ok…it was Jude…but it’s still a book. I read it and let it sink in. I want to be a preacher and teacher of the Bible someday, so I figured why not start now? Then I started typing this up. I want to be a writer someday, so I figured why not start now? I realized that if there’s something I really plan on doing with my life, I better start doing loads now.

So here’s the article I’ve penned for this very interesting day. I’ve decided to start a journey of starting now, not just starting today, and not just starting tomorrow. I’m taking the steps to channel all that creative energy that flows incessantly between my heart and my head and start writing. I’ve decided to start reading and studying the Bible in a more disciplined manner.

Most people know me as a talented and gifted individual. There’s a lot of things I’m good at, but sadly enough there’s not a lot of things I’m really committed to. I’m going to change that. I’m not going to change that so I can please people but so I can truly be happy with myself knowing that at the end of the day I’ve given my best at living the life for the glory of Christ.

A better phrase for me would be this…I’m caught in the moment, expecting the strain of discipline, and ready to look at my future and say come what may, because I’ve giving it my all.

Hehe…yeah whatever…nah…jk…I really meant that. :)

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