my creative stints are becoming fewer and farther between, i suspect it's because UBC, for the past 4 years, has been slowly and painfully drawing out of me every last drop of creativity.

between trying to find a job, pining about my solitary confinement, and trying to put on an air of confidence about what is yet to come, i've lost the desire to write and try to put into words sappy tears and vengeful anger. my journal sits amidst the wasteland of books and novels which i call my bookshelf, and my pen only has ink for lecture notes. i tried to get inspired by reading Blake and Wordsworth, but i'm left yearning for Innocence amongst the ruins at Tintern Abbey. meanwhile the world is quickly approaching as i prepare to graduate in May, and enter reality outside an institution they call education.

i met a friend of a friend last week, whom i was quickly told "is into brown girls"- he himself is white. it got me thinking about inter-racial relationships and "mixed marriages". living in vancouver- a city whose foundations are immigrants- it's not difficult to come by an "inter-racial couple", and it is without a doubt "mixed kids" are especially beautiful within a sea of monochromatic faces.

i personally have not issue with "inter-racial couples", but the backlash from traditionalist parents is astounding. when my cousins married people of different races, words like "disappointing" and "disown" came up so many times. i couldn't understand what colour had to do with anything, and when i asked, they suspected me of having my own "inter-racial" fling. with the kids in my family getting older, there's so much talk of marriages, and "finding the right boy/girl"- and some how that seems to imply 'one of our own'. enough thought on this and it leads to the question and the fundamental immigrant problem of "which culture is the right one?"
 
i can offer no answer, and i don't want to go into this problem any further, but i can say that some sort of middle ground must be found, and if not in this generation, in the next, when we can offer our kids a freedom, respect and trust that our own parents did not endow on us to direct our own lives.