What Should I Be Doing? Who Should I Be?
- By Indu Shanmugam
- Published 04/11/2007
Indu Shanmugam is a 20-something, college student from Oregon, USA. She is majoring in English literature and language. She also studied Theology for a short period. She wants to be a teacher. As a literature enthusiast, she enjoys literature of all types and from writers of various backgrounds from the classics, French realists, Christian writings like C.S Lewis and South Asian literature. As for her own writings, "I am still trying to find and develop my own voice." She sees the art of the written word as a way to speak about Christ and explore truth. Before she met Jesus Christ, she has been searching for the meaning of life through experimentation of other religions, philosophies and ideas. At the age of 17, she accepted Christ after a powerful encounter with God through a miracle. God's presence and deep truths in the Bible fuel her creativity. She is involved in church activities and has a love for the church and would like to see every believer grow, become closer to God and live fruitfully. She loves traveling, sipping bubble teas, theatre, music, films and hanging out with friends and has a weakness for cheesecake.
It's a feeling that when you realize you have been looking for love in the wrong places and then realize he's standing right next to you, all along. Don't take this literally, there is no guy in my life yet. I am talking about faith when life does not make sense at all. I realize, there's only God who can keep me together and my sanity. Lately, in the spiritual realm I'm searching for deeper meaning and asking God a few important questions:
One: What should I be doing? I am a new season of life. God is starting to show me the next step. I am seeing an unbelievable major twist and turning point. It is scary. He is showing what I'll be doing in a vague. I trust His timing and everything. But, it is still real to me. Stepping out in faith isn't easy and I will be the first to admit this. The next step is just on the horizon but I am wondering "Am I doing what I should be doing now? What if I am missing the boat?"
Two: Who should I be? Okay...I hate that easy answer 'Just be yourself.' The good question is...who am I? I am feeling God's hand upon my life. For those who know me, have witnessed God dramatically transform my life. When I was in highschool or years ago, would anyone imagine me living the way I am living today.
But, the point of this is, God is continuing to shape character and my leadership style. I am looking around and there are some people that I don't want to be like at all. I don't want to the typical arrogant, cold, leader who is more concerned about building own personal empire rather than building God's kingdom and there's certain people I don't want to be like at all.
It's so true, people look at the ouside image but God sees the inside. You could preach the greatest sermon or write the best novel for God and people will flatter you but if your heart is in the wrong place, God still won't be impressed. Here's a good revelation -- forget everything that's around you, and live entirely for God...haha, easier said than done. I'm looking up to God and my question is "My God, Lord, Father...please tell me who I am."
Three: Why? "That's not for you to know yet!" I am remembering a dad on the max train with two very small children who were asking Dad, why are traffic lights red and green? He calmly explains what red & green means...the kids just ask why? why? The kids just keep asking why? for everything. I was amazed at the dad's patience. If it were my kids, I'd would eventually get annoyed. Many times, when we ask God certain questions, its kinda like that. Maybe...that isn't the significant thing to focus or I am focusing on minor things that don't matter.