More than anything in the world, I want a renewed vision. I am remembering when I first felt called by God to serve Him. Recently, I gave up and came back again. I don't mean as in questioning the existence of God. From time to time, I get tired of hearing the words "God has a calling and purpose for YOU, YOU, YOU." It sounds very self-centered and typical of selfish, individualistic American culture. Some people try to use God's name to simply make a name for themselves and build a personal empire rather than build God's kingdom.
    *
    *
      During my PBC years, I get tired of people making a big deal out of calling and personal ministry plans. Some people really make an idolatry out of calling and think its all about themselves, getting titles and charisma. And some of these people with a self-righteous attitude think they did something special to earn a special place with God. Anyway, I get tired of constantly hearing the term calling. I am glad I am out of PBC because nobody asks me about it. And, I can talk about life like normal people rather than all that Christian lingo and churchie images.
    *
    *
      Sometimes, I feel I have no place in the Body of Christ. I don't feel called into ministry the traditional way. Title of ministry is not always necessary to have a calling. I would rather not have a ministry title. I got discouraged to the point that I gave up the idea of thinking about ministry.
    *
    *
      I feel a breakthrough in this area. When God calls you, He leaves an impression on you that does not go away. If I really wanted to, I could willingly walk away from God's calling. I don't think I will go to hell over this but won't be as satisfied with life. And when I go to heaven, I would be disappointed to find out what I could have done.
    *
    *
      Anyway, I am into writing and the non-singing arts. I always knew God will use me in this area. I came up with an idea of starting a writers/theatre small group. I know many short stories could be adapted into plays. I am imagining a group of Christians writing plays and then performing them in our church. Our church has all the resources. Other ideas would be poetry readings.

Indu Shanmugam