I think I want to hide myself and never face the world again. Why is it that I have to have some sort of ambition in life? Why can't I just take life as it comes? Why can't people understand that I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or find a cure for anything or have the biggest whatever or climb any sort of ladder or build the world's first this or that.

Yes, I'm praying about my future and career and marriage and whatever else most people consider important. And if I land a top job with the UN, great. If I meet an amazing guy and get married tomorrow, awesome. If I get rich, sweet.

And, if not, that's perfectly fine too! Because I know I'm not walking alone, but with One who sees my every desire, perceives my thoughts from afar, knows my heart, has a plan for my life, and is working all things together for my good. If nothing else mattered, I would give my entire life to serving on the mission field whatever that entails... whether it's something as humble as feeding homeless children and serving those considered the least, or as grand as heading up a large international organization and doing work on a global scale.

Point is, I have no particular agenda. Show me the need, and I'll do my very best to meet it. Whether I make history or people remember me is not what matters. I'd rather know that I did my best to touch someone's life and perhaps lead them to Christ. And I don't want to have to push and pull and strive to make things happen the way I want, I'd rather just leave that part to God and let Him lead me in whatever direction He pleases.

My 'ambitions', or vision or plan or goal or whatever you want to call it, is simple. I want to be an example of what God can do with a life that is totally and completely surrendered to Him. And I sincerely hope and pray that through my life, many will come to Jesus. I'm far from typical and don't fit the mold. So don't have any expectations.

I'll know where I'm going when I get there. Call me irresponsible or foolish or stupid or whatever you please. I have tried... I've sat down and prayed my heart out and looked at different options and mulled over ideas in my mind... in the end, I find myself back to square one--as described above there's my heart on a platter. I would be lying if I said I didn't care what people think. But perhaps it would be better if I didn't know.

Beni