I Just Want The Plain Truth.
- By Indu Shanmugam
- Published 02/9/2008
Indu Shanmugam is a 20-something, college student from Oregon, USA. She is majoring in English literature and language. She also studied Theology for a short period. She wants to be a teacher. As a literature enthusiast, she enjoys literature of all types and from writers of various backgrounds from the classics, French realists, Christian writings like C.S Lewis and South Asian literature. As for her own writings, "I am still trying to find and develop my own voice." She sees the art of the written word as a way to speak about Christ and explore truth. Before she met Jesus Christ, she has been searching for the meaning of life through experimentation of other religions, philosophies and ideas. At the age of 17, she accepted Christ after a powerful encounter with God through a miracle. God's presence and deep truths in the Bible fuel her creativity. She is involved in church activities and has a love for the church and would like to see every believer grow, become closer to God and live fruitfully. She loves traveling, sipping bubble teas, theatre, music, films and hanging out with friends and has a weakness for cheesecake.
I've been praying about whether I should leave CBC or not. I decided to stay. I talked with my mentor and I was surprised that she respected my views. She wanted to make sure that I leave the church without offenses and that if there was an offense that I would have an opportunity to reconcile before leaving.
Basically, I was frustrated after PBC. I had an extremely bad Bible College experience. I had a distorted view of CBC and spirit-filled Christianity because of the actions of a few people - including immature people and hypocritical leaders. Now, why did I let some stupid people influence my Christian faith?
I disagree with a few things about the Holy Spirit that my church doesn't hold. I also had a disagreement with a teacher. I pray I can forgive him and see him through a different lens. Even otherwise, while I was there I felt I wasn't allowed to have my own room to grow. I felt I wasn't allowed to ask questions and teachings were pushed down my throat. I want to know for myself what is true and make the truth my own.
Even now, I am questioning a few things regarding the Holy Spirit. I feel safe after hearing my mentor told me that is perfectly okay to question, which doesn't make be a bad Christian. I wanted to leave CBC because some of my views are different. I need to go back to the Bible and seriously question.
The root of my frustration was that I was doing something that I am not called to. If I try to put on a dress that's too small for me it would make me uncomfortable. Similarly, I feel repressed and restrained because I've been pursuing a calling that is not for me. I wish that I realized this earlier so that I wouldn't have wasted 3 years.
Along the lines, I also picked up religiosity. I'm back to square one. I'm sick of religiosity and other stuff. I just want the plain truth.