I've been praying about whether I should leave CBC or not. I decided to stay. I talked with my mentor and I was surprised that she respected my views. She wanted to make sure that I leave the church without offenses and that if there was an offense that I would have an opportunity to reconcile before leaving.

Basically, I was frustrated after PBC. I had an extremely bad Bible College experience. I had a distorted view of CBC and spirit-filled Christianity because of the actions of a few people - including immature people and hypocritical leaders. Now, why did I let some stupid people influence my Christian faith?

I disagree with a few things about the Holy Spirit that my church doesn't hold. I also had a disagreement with a teacher. I pray I can forgive him and see him through a different lens. Even otherwise, while I was there I felt I wasn't allowed to have my own room to grow. I felt I wasn't allowed to ask questions and teachings were pushed down my throat. I want to know for myself what is true and make the truth my own.

Even now, I am questioning a few things regarding the Holy Spirit. I feel safe after hearing my mentor told me that is perfectly okay to question, which doesn't make be a bad Christian. I wanted to leave CBC because some of my views are different. I need to go back to the Bible and seriously question.

The root of my frustration was that I was doing something that I am not called to. If I try to put on a dress that's too small for me it would make me uncomfortable. Similarly, I feel repressed and restrained because I've been pursuing a calling that is not for me. I wish that I realized this earlier so that I wouldn't have wasted 3 years.

Along the lines, I also picked up religiosity. I'm back to square one. I'm sick of religiosity and other stuff. I just want the plain truth.

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