There are some things in life that just don’t make sense right now. I’m feeling really out of it with my body. There’s just been some things that keep coming up that have affected me in ways I wish never had. It’s like those things you really have no control over; and it’s been affecting me deeply and significantly. It’s been affecting my psyche. There’s also other feelings of just not being sure of the future. The path that God has for each of us sometimes doesn’t allow the benefit of full support of kith and kin. That’s been affecting me deeply too.

When I first wanted to come to Bible College, I received the same treatment. It really affected me. I had to go against so much to get where I wanted to go. Looking back on it I realize that it was the best decision I’d ever made and whatever I went through to get here has helped me to stay focused through it. In class yesterday I heard this line…easy come, easy go.

Sometimes the deepest things in life and that mean the most to you have to be placed on the altar (Genesis 22:1-19). The fire’s gonna be burning as bright as ever, and God’s gonna ask me to place that willingly upon the altar. I have to watch my dreams and desires burn upon that altar. I have to see the things I hold onto the most be consumed by the fire of God.

I feel like David when he played the harp for the troubled King Saul and was nearly speared alive(I Samuel 18:10-11). I sometimes feel like life throws me curve balls and somehow as they are aimed and being thrown in my direction I have to learn to elude them carefully. That’s the easy part. The hardest part is maintaining a good attitude and have joy and peace through the whole ordeal.

Trusting God is the hard. Living with a great attitude in that trust is even harder. But I’m ready to die a little bit more and give up of myself. I know I’m becoming a better person because of it.

Ashish Joy