I Never Had A Relationship With . . .
- By David Bala
- Published 03/26/2008
David Bala is a first generation Indian Christian, born in India but raised in Singapore. He worships and serves at Charis Christian Church. He is a guitarist and a worship leader. His passion is imparting and impacting the church with the gifts the Lord has given him which is worship and music. God also has placed him strategically in the marketplace as a prominent person in his industry. He speaks and ministers to the youth from different churches on an adhoc basis. He is an IT professional but the Lord has equippied him with the gifts of teaching and he currently working as a multimedia lecturer in a polytechnic. He has a huge heart for the kids and in his early days of ministry he led the children's ministry at the Salvation Army Singapore. He holds a Bachelor's of Science degree in Business Administration. He also has passion for travelling and meeting up with people from different cultures.
I am really disappointed that i was never able to have a relationship with my father... I cannot remember him in my important days of my life... I have been longing to have a relationship with him but his expectation just kills my thirst. What can i do? I tried everything i possibly can without compromising Christ. It does not work. God why do u have to harden my dad's heart? Really y?
I am just so disappointed... With things that i did and things that i did not do... At this moment i am just asking God to be merciful over me... God please help me. I am being temped constantly to hate my dad. The though comes to me and i always rebuke it and it becomes such a torture that i cannot bare any longer... I need to love my dad as i love my mum but at the same time my dad is so unlovable he is against God. How can I?
I know many of you would say but u know God said you must Love.... You can condemn me for saying that my father is unlovable but that is the reality and it is my deepest struggle... I love my mum more, My friends more, and even my guitar more than my dad..... It is ironic but it is true...
God teach me Your ways. Guide me to show your love to my dad. I do not know how but i need to even if he wants to disown me... I pray that you would show me how to be a son and in the future how to be a father in your image. I do not have a good example of a earthy father to portray God please teach me....