I no longer know...

Ever had this feeling?

No longer know y u r here.
No longer know where a relationship leads?
No longer know how to deal with a situation?

Well i am in that stage now.... I no longer know what to do......

I am being realistic...
I am not willing to be used by anyone....
Enough of using me as a stepping platform....
No longer am i going to let ppl run with my emotions...

I had enough of being used.... I am drained....
I am not able to tell the person i love that i love her...
I love you mum...
I hope somehow you will read my blog...
not sure how or when but i hope you do...
I cant tell it to you in real life due to the other man

How craftingly he used me...
But what can i do you are my dad...
U r supposed to set a example...
I am really dissapointed...


How u used me....
I am utterly dissapointed....
I should have known...
I should not have trusted you....
How could you?
Is it just because i am a christian?
Let it be if it is...

I just hope that at some point of life i can still love u
and call you my dad....
Relationship which ended even before it started...
Evrything is lost between us even before it is commited...

Let it be...
It is too much for me to bear...
God Mould me, my weakness
into your strength...

My hearts feels the piercing
with every though of betrayal
With images of unseen wounds
lying benath this broken body

Fill this cup
to hold Ur bretah
with every sweat and blood
which i shead for the love of Ur's

Lift me again
if it is Ur will
Let my worldly self die
so that i can be completely surrounded
in Ur love
forever.

David Bala